Umm, Excuse me but what?

"Maxima Speed" (maximaspeed) 01/28/2019 at 16:00 • Filed to: None

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Im in the market for cybersecurity jobs. Here is a physical requirements description for one such job. I have uhhh, questions?

nFamousCJ - Keeper of Stringbean, Gengars and a Deezul > Maxima Speed 01/28/2019 at 16:08

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All seems reasonable up until “taste or smell”.

The server rack smells like it’s burning. But does the server rack taste like it’s burning?

user314 > Maxima Speed 01/28/2019 at 16:09

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TL; DR version : ”We legally can’t say ‘No disabled’, but... No Disabled.”

Party-vi > Maxima Speed 01/28/2019 at 16:09

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OK BUT FINGERING AND FEELING IS NOT IN MY CONTRACT AND I WILL NEED AN RFP FROM YOU TO SUBMIT A PCO TO INCLUDE THESE FEATURES OF WORK I SUGGEST YOU CONTACT THE PROJECT STAKEHOLDERS ABOUT THIS

KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time > Maxima Speed 01/28/2019 at 16:09

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I don’t know what kind of job you’re applying to, but make sure you do your research.

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > nFamousCJ - Keeper of Stringbean, Gengars and a Deezul 01/28/2019 at 16:10

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If the smoke is thick enough, you should be able to taste it.

Maxima Speed > nFamousCJ - Keeper of Stringbean, Gengars and a Deezul 01/28/2019 at 16:10

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LOL I know its really a head scratcher.

Svend > Maxima Speed 01/28/2019 at 16:12

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It sounds ridiculous but I’m assuming this is a job in America where everything needs to be added just in case someone sues after applying for the job, getting it and then expected to do what is obvious to many but then says, ‘I can’t get into that space because I tore a ligament in my knee years ago and it still hurts from time to time if I spend any time on my knees. You didn’t tell me I had to crawl, yes it’s expected but because you didn’t explicitly tell me’.

WilliamsSW > Maxima Speed 01/28/2019 at 16:13

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So, you’re required to occasionally smell - I’m pretty sure that means you only need to shower once a week.

user314 > nFamousCJ - Keeper of Stringbean, Gengars and a Deezul 01/28/2019 at 16:14

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Ralph is on the case!

Maxima Speed > KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time 01/28/2019 at 16:17

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KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time > Maxima Speed 01/28/2019 at 16:19

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KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time > WilliamsSW 01/28/2019 at 16:22

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It’s either sit and taste, or smell. I think smell is the better choice.

My X-type is too a real Jaguar > Maxima Speed 01/28/2019 at 16:28

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The ceo needs taste testers, standard procedure here at Evilcorp. 

CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever > user314 01/28/2019 at 16:32

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Must have  skin that reflects light.

Tldr...bad things

user314 > My X-type is too a real Jaguar 01/28/2019 at 16:34

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Ah, OP got this description from Aperture Science’s job postings . Say no more.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > Maxima Speed 01/28/2019 at 16:41

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Got it!

Maxima Speed > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever 01/28/2019 at 16:43

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I have nowhere near the ability to do that so I think im disqualified.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > Maxima Speed 01/28/2019 at 16:44

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That alternating hand stand is next level.

atfsgeoff > Maxima Speed 01/28/2019 at 16:46

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It’s a brilliantly subtle way of disqualifying most people over 50.

Need bifocals? Sorry, you’re disqualified for not being able to adjust focus!

Textured Soy Protein > Maxima Speed 01/28/2019 at 16:55

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At least when you get to the part of the interview where they ask if you have any questions, you can ask what exactly you’ll be expected to finger and taste.

Maxima Speed > Textured Soy Protein 01/28/2019 at 17:00

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lol yeah that would be interesting.

WilliamsSW > KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time 01/28/2019 at 17:06

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I would ask for clarification on what I would be expected to taste - if it’s tacos, I’m all in on that.

deekster_caddy > Maxima Speed 01/28/2019 at 17:08

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I’m really curious what you need to taste in cybersecurity as well . It could be a gotcha thrown in just to test you during the interview as to whether or not you read the job description...

That said, I could see moving servers around and tracing cables meeting some of those demands. Sometimes tracing a network cable in a full patch panel can be quite interesting...

Chariotoflove > user314 01/28/2019 at 17:36

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That’s exactly it.  

Chariotoflove > Maxima Speed 01/28/2019 at 17:37

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What if I have synesthesia?

RPM esq. > Svend 01/28/2019 at 17:53

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It’s more likely to be the opposite —a primarily or entirely sedentary job for an employer who is trying very hard to give themselves legal cover to discriminate against disabled people.

Maxima Speed > Chariotoflove 01/28/2019 at 17:56

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Well luckily the requirement is to be able to taste OR smell so im still a good fit :P

facw > KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time 01/28/2019 at 18:36

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Obviously you’re not a Unix/Linux sysadmin:  https://linux.die.net/man/1/finger

facw > user314 01/28/2019 at 18:39

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I’ve heard you should skip the preying mantis DNA injections.

nFamousCJ - Keeper of Stringbean, Gengars and a Deezul > user314 01/28/2019 at 19:19

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That was me eating level 3 Thai this afternoon.